The following is a guest post by Eliza Fayle, author of Silver & Grace.
We should not be content with our imperfection, we should merely work to make ourselves better than we were before. -Street Saint
I absolutely agree with Street Saint’s assessment. To stop learning and growing is to stop living. But I’m going to add a caveat to this:
At some point, it becomes far less about striving to improve who we are and far more about settling into who we are.
I was at a fortieth birthday party recently, and most of the women there were around that age. They were all bemoaning moving into their forties. I silenced the chatter when I spoke up and said:
“I was thrilled to move into my forties, and now I am looking forward to fifty with eager anticipation.”
One of them finally recovered her voice and asked why on earth I would look forward to aging.
Courtesy of Eliza Fayle
My response? Because I am finally at a point in my life I get to simply be me. What you see is what you get.
Don’t get me wrong. I still have to tweak my thought processes and behaviors. But I consider it more of a maintenance process than a creation process.
I expended a lot of energy in my thirties figuring out who I was at my core. And a break up of a long term relationship in my early forties forced me to face some very real self-esteem fears. But, at the end of that process I came out knowing exactly who I am.
And I like me. A lot!
All of me. Physically, mentally, and spiritually.
The world is full of many people. Some won’t like what I look like. Some won’t like what I think. Some won’t like what I believe in.
And that’s okay. At this point in my life, it is a total non-issue.
I believe we all come to a point of shifting from external to internal validation. And an amazing thing happened for me when that shift occurred.
The most incredible man entered into my life who loves me for me. Toxic relationships fell to the wayside, and I am blessed with friends who want to be with me for me. The bonds with my young adult children are stronger than ever, and they accept me for me.
So, yes, we do need to work to make ourselves better than before. I know that in the beginning this means comparing our thoughts and behaviours against other people’s reactions. But, as you get to really know yourself, you will compare your thoughts and behaviours to your own reactions.
Sometimes, you will need to question yourself because you acted contrary to your core values.
Why did you behave in that manner? Was there a trigger that needs to be worked?
That’s when you give yourself a little tweak. But, you will be surprised the number of times the check-in reveals that you are completely in line with yourself and nothing needs to change at all.
You are who you are. Take you or leave you.
And you like you. A lot!
Eliza Fayle is the author of Silver & Grace http://silverandgrace.com, a blog dedicated to Forty Plus women. It is Eliza’s goal to build a strong community of women who support each other as they grow into themselves physically, mentally, and spiritually.
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Hey, if I’d known you were posting a pic, I would have supplied one of me. After all, I like me. A lot! *grin*
Thank you for allowing me to participate here at Search for Balance.
Eliza´s latest blog post ..Book review: The Narcissist – A User’s Guide
The pic was a last-minute choice. Feel free to send me a pic and I can do a quick switch-a-roo!
Self acceptance and settling in brings so much joy, yet we have such a hard time accepting self acceptance. Ah, we crazy humans!
Lori Hoeck´s latest blog post ..The power of preparedness
@Street Saint – ah, there I am *grin*
@Lori – glad you came over here for a visit, Lori. Accepting self-acceptance … that’s a good way of putting it, eh? I guess we think it is egotistical or selfish to accept ourselves. Arrogant even? Interestingly, I find the opposite to be true. I find it quite humbling to accept all of me warts and all. And I wasn’t really able to truly love and give to others unselfishly until I accepted me for me. Yep, crazy humans indeed
Eliza´s latest blog post ..Book review: The Narcissist – A User’s Guide
Hi Eliza,
I am going to be celebrating my 50th birthday this year too and I do mean celebrating. I am embracing this new decade as a decade of new doors opening up, new freedoms, new friends, new possibilities. The first half of our lives we spend so much time taking care of the needs of others, we hardly get to explore who we we are, heck, some of us hardly get to sleep let alone think about who we are mentally, spiritually and physically.
It’s taken me this long to figure out what kind of clothes and furniture I like, instead of what I “should” wear or have. I’m starting to slowly but surely claim my right to wear and have the things that make me happy and get rid of the rest. Hurray for that!
@Wendi – yes, that’s another aspect of it; figuring out our style. Very good point. Who knew I would end up creating a home that is very Mediterranean in it’s feel? I grew up in Victorian homes and thought that was my style. It so isn’t. And ultimately, I am a jeans, tank, and blazer gal. Both are comfort with style. Huh. Now I feel another post in the making
Eliza´s latest blog post ..Book review: The Narcissist – A User’s Guide
Eliza, I STILL have my family saying”Mom, you shouldn’t wear THAT.”
Why not? because I don’t look like every other soccer mom in wonder bread land? Sorry soccer mom’s you all look nice but I’m busting out of my skin! I want to wear my purple boots and my gypsy skirt. And if I’m twenty years too late for the grateful dead concert I could care less. ( OK, now I’m exaggerating but it makes my point.) I want color and my own unique look. I don’t want to conform because I have to. I’ve had enough *have to* to choke a horse. It’s MY turn. And I love it.
Wendi Kelly~Life’s Little Inspirations´s latest blog post ..For the Love of Rain