The Benefits of Introspection
After discovering my social anxiety, I was floored because I’m not used to overlooking my flaws.
Which is not to say that I don’t have any flaws, it’s just that I’m usually hyper aware of all of them. (Which is one of my flaws…)
And because I was so caught off guard by this discovery, my automatic response kicked in (my automatic response being, “How do I resolve this issue?”). It has always been my nature to try to better myself. And though I am also a perfectionist (another flaw), the goal was never to become “perfect.”
Be The Good Guy
When I was a kid, I made the realization that everyone has a choice to either be a good person or a bad person. And I had seen a lot of TV and movies, so I knew the qualities of a “good guy” versus those of a “bad guy.” Ever since, I’ve always thought it silly for someone to know what is right or best to do and still chose to do otherwise.
As I said before, this doesn’t mean that I never do anything bad, but I always strive to be more like the heroes I’d seen on TV.
This is what started my whole push toward goal setting. Whenever I noticed something about myself that I didn’t like, I would think it silly to go on without actively trying to change the behavior.
Which brings me to my original point: introspection. By observing my own behavior and pointing out to myself what I don’t like, I immediately make a mental note that it’s something I want to work on.
The Mental Alarm System
Since I’ve been doing it for years, it’s gotten to the point where all I have to do is observe the behavior and point it out to myself and my brain will automatically raise a red flag when I catch myself doing it in the future. With this embedded alarm system, I can correct the behavior every time I notice it.
If this process is not automatic for you, I suggest writing down the flaws in yourself you come across. For some people, this list could get pretty long, but don’t feel discouraged. Just pick the thing you want to change the most and focus on that. It’s a lot easier to correct a behavior if it’s the only one you’re thinking about. If you are trying to correct everything at once, you’ll get overwhelmed and frustrated.
Another suggestion is to go through your list and evaluate each of these “flaws.” Some of them may be superficial or imagined. For example, “my nose is too big” is a judgment call, and it may not be your nose that is too big but your self-esteem that is too small. What I have noticed is that, in working to better myself, my self-confidence has done leaps and bounds. Now the superficial things that I used to worry about (do these jeans match my shirt?, am I too clumsy?, do I smell nice?, etc.) are no longer issues.
Confronting Social Phobias
In regards to my social anxiety, this process of correcting flaws has brought me a long way. I used to be terrified of people overhearing my conversations. Now I think, “What do they care?” I used to think everyone would criticize my clothing. Now I think, “What do they care?” I used to fear that people would think I am unintelligent when I spoke. Now I give myself more credit for the amount that I actually know, but also invite criticism as a means of broadening my knowledge.
More recently, before I realized I had social anxiety, I used to fear greeting friends and acquaintances. I used to fear initiating conversations. I used to hate getting into conversations, knowing I could think of absolutely nothing to say. And though it has only been a few weeks and I have taken very few active steps, I already notice these fears lessening. Just by pointing them out to myself as areas I want to work on, I’ve already noticed improvement!
Unfortunately, I don’t know that this will work for everyone. Ideally, you have to not only notice what problems you have, but you must also make the conscious decision to try to correct them. Otherwise, you probably won’t start to feel any difference.
Ultimately, once you start making self-correction the norm rather than the exception, it will start to get easier. Pretty soon, you just have to decide on what aspect of yourself you want to focus on and you’ll start to feel improvements right away!
Related posts:
March 5, 2010
Author: Street Saint
Tags: Goals, Introspection, Perfection Posted in: Conquer Anxiety
Leave a Comment